You must buy a mathematically optimal sofa.

Proof:

Doing something other than what is optimal is suboptimal.

Doing something that is suboptimal is bad.

You must not do things that are bad.

Buying a mathematically optimal sofa is optimal.

Not buying a mathematically optimal sofa is suboptimal.

Not buying a mathematically optimal sofa is bad.


∴ You must by a mathematically optimal sofa.


Q.E.D.

Seatbelts do not prevent injury in vehicle collisions, part I

Seatbelts do not prevent injury in vehicle collisions

Proof:

If seatbelts prevented injury in vehicle collisions, we would not need to use other devices to prevent injury in vehicle collisions

We do need other devices to prevent injuries in vehicle collisions

∴ Seatbelts do not prevent injury in vehicle collisions


Q.E.D.

Your house does not have food in it

Your house does not have food in it

Proof:

Houses are for people.
The thing that houses are for is not food.
The things that are in houses are the things that houses are for.
The things that are in houses are not food.
∴ Your house does not have food in it.
Q.E.D.

Bullshit symanticsing is bullshit

Bullshit symanticsing is bullshit.

Proof:

Symanticsing is wordsing about not the real things the words are supposed to word.
Wordsing about not the real things the words are supposed to word is a distractioner.
Distractioners are bullshit.
Symanticsing is bullshit.
Symanticsing is bullshit symanticsing.

∴ Bullshit symanticsing is bullshit.

Q.E.D.

My beard is JC's beard.

My beard is JC's beard.

Proof:


There is a beard on my face.
There is a beard on JC's face.
When my beard becomes shorter, JC's beard becomes shorter


∴ My beard is JC's beard.


Q.E.D.

You grew up in the 70s

You grew up in the 70s.

Proof:


Either you are young or you are old.
Old people grew up in the 70s.
You are not young.


∴ You grew up in the 70s.


Q.E.D.

You're fat.

You're fat.

Proof:


Everybody has a God-shaped hole.
God is infinite.
You're somebody.


∴ You're fat.


Q.E.D.